Dateline, Pacific Northwest.
Local area man, Jack Terrier, has won a lottery jackpot of over three hundred and fifty million dollars. He promises to take over the world and put all of mankind into slavery according to his newly hired press agent. Many critics of state lotteries have written about the so-called Super Villain Theory. This theory predicts a lottery winner using his massive winnings to make himself into a super villain. According to psychology professor Adam G Wilkins of Washington State University, "Its been very confusing why only idiots and fools seem to win the lottery. All of us in the academic profession have been waiting for the arrival of an evil genius to win a large jackpot such as this. It brings me great personal satisfaction to know that I was correct in my theories even at the cost of world wide slavery."
Jame Bond movie fans and comic book lovers everywhere are overjoyed at the arrival of a larger than life super villain comparable to 007's Blofeld or Batman's Joker. Recently at Jacks newly acquired research facility, multiple fans were badly injured when his man eating, genetically enhanced dogs were released upon the autograph seekers. One onlooker asked if there were any upcoming Mega Buck winners who would like to be a superhero and battle this villain so the world would be saved. This investigator hopes the arrival of such a man happens soon. At this very moment, Jack is building what he calls a "cosmic death ray." Last week's winners of sixty five million declined to help. They plan to use their new fortune in recreating Hazard county the home of the classic 70's TV show The Dukes of Hazard.
No comments:
Post a Comment