FBI Dark Shadows unit under criticism from ACLU

Date line Washington D.C.

      Few Americans know what evil lurks according to Special Agent Andrew Bankerson.   Special Agent Bankerson runs special unit "Dark Shadows" which is under criticism for violating separation of church and state by the ACLU.

Dark Shadows, created during the Reagan administration, has the mission of investigating and eliminating the undead who walk among the living.    Attorney Paul Woo of the ACLU is not so much concerned with the rights of the undead,  as he is concerned with the use of  federal tax money to fund the Pope's own clergy enforcers who help the FBI and give last rights to those who are damned.    Mr. Woo asks, "why should the federal government allow such an unholy alliance between church and state?"

To date, the three hundred and fifty investigators in Dark Shadows have yet to find any undead.  This reporter thinks  it is money well spent.  The risk of one undead person roaming the earth justifies our government's involvement.