New Time Physics Effect How We Get Paid.‏

   Dateline, US Bureau of Standards

       In a remarkable new study, it has been found that time is not a constant. It actually changes speed.

I am sure all of us have had slow days, fast weeks, and weekends that seem to end soon after they began. That is the different flow of time. Like a river that can be slow or fast depending on conditions, time depends on conditions. The major problem with this is the inability to build an instrument that shows when time speeds up or slows down. Many theorists believe changes in time speed could be geographical. Then, of course, there is the theory that states that sad time is slower then happy time. All of this has proven to be a headache to the Board of Labor. If a man works eight hours but it seems like twelve hours, shouldn't he be paid for twelve hours? On the other hand, some people work eight hours, but it only seems like three or four hours. 


To make things fair for all Americans, a Slow Hour Job List and a Fast Hour Job List has been created. For example, a Ditch Digger is listed as a Slow Hour Job. Someone who applies baby oil to models is listed as a Fast Hour Job. With the new rules, a Ditch Digger will be paid 1.5 hours for every clock hour worked. The Baby Oil Applier will be paid .5 hours for every clock hour worked.   All of this will even out and make life fair for everyone. 

As a fellow clock-puncher, I say Bravo!  Now I can make more money than those horrible happy people.